Songs in the Key of Life

Hellboy II - You And What Army

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 20:20:10 GMT

While I was sitting on the couch contemplating the points to include in my review of Hellboy II The Golden Army, I was checking my flist and catching up on e-mail. (I was also trying to keep the kitten from pestering the crap out of the big grumpy kitty, but that's a whole different post in itself.)

mariness was quicker at posting her review than I was with mine. Interestingly enough, she and I had a couple of identical thoughts regarding the film. Those thoughts? "Visually arresting" and "incoherent". It did have little nuggets of goodness here and there, but overall I found the film lacking.

The first Hellboy was set in a mainly pedestrian world of normal people - a world just like ours. The paranormal elements were few and far between. The creatures our heroes fought did not belong in our world. They were in fact demonic in nature and had been deliberately brought forth from another dimension.  The premise of Hellboy II is that elves, goblins, trolls and other creatures of fantasy live on earth alongside of humans. These creatures are unknown to and unseen by most people. Hellboy II focuses on and emphasizes the fantastical elements of the narrative.

From the opening seconds the look and feel of Hellboy II was vastly different from the first movie . The beginning segment set in 1955 showing us Hellboy as a child with Father, while interesting in and of itself, was unnecessary and slowed the film down. The whole point of that segment was to give the viewers the backstory on the Golden Army and the war between Humans, Goblins, and Elves. We see the war played out with puppets from little Hellboy's imaginings, acting out the bed time story Father reads. All of that information could have been worked in as exposition in the current time line. As a side note, I spent much of that segment staring at Lil' Hellboy trying to figure out if he was entirely CGI or a mix of practical effects and CGI.

As I watched the film, the main impression I got of the movie was "muddled".   This movie was a visual feast, but it lacked substance, partly because it couldn't decide what kind of movie it wanted to be or what message it wanted to send. Was it an action movie or a romance? Was it a fantasy or a comedy? Was it a cautionary tale about respecting the environment or a cautionary tale about the dangers of technology run wild? Was it about respecting a pact made between elfkind and mankind or was it about humankind turning on anyone that is different? The film tried to be all of those things at the same time. Sadly its reach far exceeded its grasp. In trying to be all those things, it ended up being none of them.

Despite the problems I had with the pacing and plot, there were some good things about the movie. Visually, Hellboy II had some very stunning moments. The Golden Army was fascinating as was the puppet war sequence. Most of all, I loved the look of the scenes with the Elf-kind. There was a very "Lord of the Rings" feel to everything elvish both in the costumes and the sets as well as the cinemtography.  They have an extraordinary beauty, elegance, and grace. I also couldn't help thinking that the Evil Elf Prince Nuada was hot as hell, such a blend of power and grace that I couldnt' take my eyes off of him. He really carried off those elegant coat & boot ensembles. His twin sister, Princess Nuala, looked equally good in her outfits.

Overall, though, I was disappointed in the movie.

Meme - Word Association

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 01:41:35 GMT

Filched from sidlj I present to you the following meme:

WORD ASSOCIATION: Comment with a word that reminds you of me. Then post it to your journal to see what words people associate with you.

Feeling accomplished!

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 03:11:41 GMT

Just a quick note to say that I have finished my story for the Jack/Daniel ficathon AND have had it beta'd. With everything I had going on in RL for May and June, I had serious doubts of finishing at all, much less on time. It came in at over eight thousand words, too! I'm quite pleased with the end product and am really looking forward to reading all of the other entries after the unveiling on Monday the 14th. There'll be a veritable buffet of J/D goodness spread out over LJ. Wooo!

FIC: Transparent by Cowardly Lion

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 02:26:23 GMT

Written for the 2008 Jack/Daniel Ficathon . If you've come directly to my journal, after you read the story be sure to check out the link to the ficathon for all of the other great stories.After the ficathon comes the readathon. :) In any event you'll find my offering below.

Title: Transparent
Author: Cowardly Lion
Summary: It was only after Jack became invisible that Daniel finally saw him.
Word Count: 8,495
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine, more's the pity
Written For: cirisse
Prompt: Requirements: 1.First Time 2.Invisibility.
Optional Request: 1.Original team 2.Meddling Teal'c 3.Oblivious Daniel 4.Humour 5.Happy ending.
Restrictions: 1.No AU 2.No Kid!fic

Notes: Set late in Season 5. Many thanks to Mare, Barb and AnnO for the beta.

TRANSPARENT by Cowardly Lion

Transparent - adjective
1. so sheer as to permit light to pass through
2. easily seen through, recognized, or detected
3. open; frank; candid

Paperwork done, Jack checked his watch. Hmmm...twenty minutes until he turned invisible again. Not really enough time to start the next project on his "To Do" list, but too early to show up at Carter's lab for his scheduled stint as human guinea pig. Just right for visiting Daniel.

As Jack strolled the corridors, he entertained himself by trying to guess what Daniel would be doing when he got there. Jack hoped he wouldn't be wearing the baggy BDU blouse. If he got to see Daniel wearing just the snug black t-shirt that lurked under the outer layer of heavy cotton, that was worth five points. Jack had already collected 30 points today for seeing Daniel in his underpants in the locker room this morning. (Bare chest - ten points, bare legs - five, bare feet - five, underpants - five plus the five point bonus for being grey briefs instead of tighty-whities.) So far it was a good day.

When Jack entered his friend's office, he was in what Jack had come to think of as a Classic Daniel Pose - hunched over his desk, reference books scattered in an arm's length semi-circle around him as he took notes. Daniel's pen raced along the paper, trying vainly to keep up with the lightning-quick flashes of thought. Jack loved seeing him like this. In his element. Happy. Totally involved.

By the slight movement of his head, Jack knew that Daniel had heard him enter the room, but was too engrossed in his work even to greet him. Someday Jack wanted Daniel's intensity focused on himself. Wanted Daniel to give him the same scrutiny that a six thousand year old, cracked, partly legible tablet warranted. Sometimes the best way to get his attention was to give him another puzzle to solve.

Being purposefully vague, Jack cheerfully said, "So, you figured it out yet?"

Daniel's eyes flicked up briefly, his hand never pausing as it scrawled across the page. "Figured what out?"

Jack picked up a small figurine and tossed it from hand to hand. "That thing." He refused to be more specific unitl Daniel at least stopped writing.

Daniel flipped a page on the nearest book with one hand and began reading, the pen never hesitating in its path across the page. "What thing?"

Jack set the figurine back where he got it, immediately picking up another one. "That thing you were working on." He twiddled the fingers of his free hand toward Daniel.

Daniel put down his pen, folded his hands together on the paper and looked up at Jack. "At the moment, I'm reviewing 15 hours worth of video, hundreds of digital photos, and three crates of artifacts brought back by SG teams 5 and 11 from two different worlds. I'm also drafting the mining treaty for SG-9 to present to the Praxians next week, going over preliminary MALP readings for four possible mission sites, and, oh yes, trying to catalogue the stuff we picked up two days ago on PR5-981. You'll have to narrow it down a bit more than that."

"That thing." Jack's hand swooped through the air, long fingers sketching a shape. "Looks like a mutant duck with teeth sitting on a lopsided fedora."

"Ah." Reaching behind him, Daniel pulled an object the size of large cantaloupe from a shelf. Highly polished, it had been carved of a smooth black stone. "This could be a totem representing the indigenous people as a whole or possibly a subgroup such as a clan or a tribe."

Daniel reoriented it, sweeping one finger along the edge. "However, the markings here, on the brim if you will, seem to indicate this is an object of power. Therefore it could have some shamanistic correlation, or possibly be a sign of rank or leadership, conferring authority on the person who holds it."

Pushing aside a reference book, Daniel set the artifact on his desk. "Or, it could just be a badly done carving of a duck sporting a full set of dentures and sitting on a hat. At this point, it's a little hard to tell."

"I found that, you know." Jack puffed up bit. He was proud of himself for spotting it and making sure Daniel got it.

"Yes, Jack." Daniel spoke with exaggerated patience, resuming his note taking. "I was there when you handed it to me."

Jack shrugged with false modesty. "I'm just saying. I saw it and knew you'd be interested, so I got it for you." Setting the figurine down, he swapped it for a small smooth rock. It reminded him of a worry stone he'd gotten years ago when he was stationed at Incirlik. That one didn't have a scribble carved on it though.

"Thereby disturbing the site, removing the article from context, and damaging the traceries surrounding it."

Okay, that hurt. Jack had certainly learned enough from Daniel not to make a mess. Worse, Daniel continued his work while scolding as if Jack didn't merit more than a fraction of his attention.

"Hey, now. Those fancy curlicues were already broken and the duck was," Jack put his thumb and forefinger together even though Daniel wasn't looking, "this close to falling on the floor when I got there." He stuffed the worry stone in his pocket to free his hands. "Maybe you're supposed to wear it?" Lifting the duck into the air, he inspected the underside, but it was solid. "Maybe not. Ewwww, it's got a rash on its butt."

Daniel's eyes stayed on the page. "Those white blotches are crystobalite inclusions. That was carved from snowflake obsidian."

"It's a bit light on the snowflake, don't you think since that's the only patch? More of a flurry than a blizzard." Jack caught a glimpse of his watch. Time to go, though he might as well be invisible already for all the notice Daniel paid. Ditching the duck, he said goodbye on his way out the door and got a distracted grunt in return. Yeah. As far as Daniel was concerned, Jack and invisible were synonymous.

****

Sam glanced at her watch as Jack sauntered into her lab. Right on schedule. Whatever his destination, he never seemed to hurry yet always managed to arrive on time. She made a few adjustments to the polarizing array as she nodded hello. Teal'c assisted her work, handing over tools as needed. The whole thing was a jury-rigged combination of Earth equipment and a barely understood piece of alien technology. One last tweak should do it. There. Satisfied, she stepped back.

"Okay, sir. We're good to go."

After so many repetitions, they had the routine down pat. Jack stepped into the circle marked off with duct tape on the floor. Teal'c moved to his post as cameraman to record the results. Sam checked the equipment one last time then flipped a switch.

As before, Jack disappeared from view. The susurration of cotton on cotton indicated his presence. That was normal. He usually spent the time wandering her lab, talking to himself and poking about. Two minutes of stillness was about three minutes more than he could take. She tuned him out until a muttered "Bet if I hurry I can make it to the shower room before this wears off" caught her attention.

"Sir!" It was both protest and admonishment. Sam gripped her pen harder than necessary as she tried to keep her facial expression neutral. "You're invisible, sir, not inaudible."

There was silence for a beat, then Jack spoke as if surprised. "You heard that?"

"Trying desperately not to, Colonel."

"Yes, well, I didn't realize I was speaking that loudly." From the sound of his voice, he was approaching her lab table. "Besides, when Daniel got zapped by that crystal skull we couldn't see OR hear him."

"That's because he was out of phase due to the lepton radiation. He wasn't in the same physical plane as we were." Making one last notation, she put the pen on the clipboard and set both down on the counter in front of her. "If you'll pardon me saying so, this isn't the first time we've had this conversation since we started testing.

"It just doesn't seem fair that Daniel got the Ultra Sneaky Package Deal and I only got the half sneak version. I'm the one who's special ops."

She struggled with the urge to fling the pen at him while Teal'c raised an eyebrow at the sulky tone.

"Perhaps," said Teal'c, "you should remember that before vocalizing your intentions to all and sundry."

Jack repeated himself only louder and more slowly this time. "I didn't realize I was spea - oh never mind." Sam couldn't see the eye-roll but she knew it was there.

The flame on the small welding torch at the end of her lab table flickered as the torch rose into the air.

Sam stared pointedly at the void just behind the torch. "Daniel couldn't touch anything while he was out of phase."

The torch jittered midair as the flame was adjusted. Now two inches long, the flame swooped over the table top. From the corner of her eye she saw Teal'c casually pick up her coffee cup. She was watching the flame, trying to figure out what the Colonel was doing. She thought he might be spelling out his name, the way she and her brother used to, when they were kids running through the yard with sparklers on a hot summer night. The torch zoomed too closely to a stack of papers, setting it on fire.

The air behind the torch exclaimed "Oh shit!" just as a brown liquid splashed over the papers, dousing the flames. The torch was extinguished as it flew through the air to clatter to a landing in its stand. Teal'c calmly set Sam's empty mug back on the desk.

"Anything at all," Sam sighed wistfully. Dammit, that coffee had finally cooled to the perfect temperature for drinking. Now she'd have to start all over again with a fresh cup.

"That, ah, wasn't important was it?" Jack sounded apologetic.

It couldn't hurt to use this to her advantage while at the same time reminding him to keep his hands to himself. "That was the mission report you asked for yesterday. It's going to be late now."

Her report was already late since she hadn't even finished it. What he'd set fire to was actually an early draft of a list of items that had been crated up and sent to Area 51 last year. She had meant to put the list in the shredder, but hadn't gotten around it it yet.

"Oh." There was the slight whisper of cloth sliding over cloth and shuffling feet. She could picture him stuffing both hands in his pockets, making every effort not to touch, not to fiddle, not to fidget. "You can just print another one, right?"

"It'll take a while, sir. I need to use the network printer for the photos I've included. I'll have to make sure it's free first." That part was actually true. She was next in the queue after the botanists printed the catalogue of flora from M52-97Y. First, though, she had to write the bullet point summary, maybe toss in some footnotes. All she needed was thirty minutes and the report would be in the Colonel's in box.

"Great! Wonderful!" he sounded relieved. "Carry on then! I'll just be over here for my requisite two minute stint as the invisible man." The extra office chair in the corner rolled, creaked a bit, then swiveled a few inches to one side then other as Jack got settled. He was facing away from the desk which should keep him from playing with the items strewn across it.

Sam shared a look with Teal'c as she nodded her thanks to him. This was exactly the kind of incident that brought her to her senses every time she was tempted to defy the regs and act on the physical chemistry between herself and Jack. While she had no doubt the sex would be blisteringly hot, eventually she'd have to talk to him. Frankly, he drove her crazy.

Daniel, for all his impatience, had a higher tolerance for Jack's high jinks than she did. Higher than anyone on the planet, really. If only he would get his head out of his, um, books long enough to realize Jack was smitten with him. Totally. Completely. It was nearly imperceptible so nobody else but Sam and Teal'c would recognize it for what it was, but it was there.

Sam was fairly certain that Daniel was smitten in return. The thing was, Daniel was so busy looking outward, he didn't seem to realize exactly what it was he felt for Jack. While the Colonel lived in hope, Daniel lived in denial. In a way, Sam couldn't blame Daniel. It had been bad enough watching her friend try to cope when his wife was still alive. When Shar'e had died, Daniel had fallen apart. Now, Sam thought that he was trying so hard not to feel the pain of her loss that he couldn't feel anything else either.

If she didn't honestly think that Daniel and Jack would be good together, she would have made a play for Daniel herself. Still, she sometimes indulged in daydreams featuring Daniel, just like she did with Jack. And if at times she amused herself with fantasies involving both of them, well, that was her business.

With a start, she realized she had let her thoughts distract her. It had been five minutes and Jack was still invisible. The adjustments she had made should have extended the life of the field by no more than seconds. This was two and a half times longer than usual and still going strong. The only sign of her test subject was the faint "wheee!" coming from the slowly spinning office chair.

"Colonel, did you wear or do anything different today?"

When he said no, she filled him and Teal'c in on the situation.

"Oh crap." The office chair came to a halt. "Never trust a duck with teeth."

"Sir?" Was that one of his whacky expressions? Or was the field affecting more than his visual signature?

The chair creaked then was shoved all the way under the desk. His voice came closer. "Call Daniel. Tell him that damn duck's got some explaining to do."

***

Daniel was annoyed when the ringing phone disturbed his concentration. Once he heard Sam's voice, though, his mood improved. He always had time for his friend.

"Hey, Sam. What's up? Jack driving you crazy?" he asked with a smile. As he spoke, he arched his back, stretching out the kinks in his shoulders. He needed to take breaks more often.

"There's been an unexpected development." She sounded slightly stressed. "The Colonel thinks one of your artifacts may have affected today's test results."

"How could something in my office affect your lab?" That didn't make sense. Although there were a few new items in the collection surrounding him, even those had been on base a while so any problems should have shown up by now.

"The possibility does seem remote but it certainly warrants scrutiny." Sam was using her I'm Humoring Jack Who Is Standing Right Next To Me voice. Daniel heard that tone a lot. He had even used it himself a time or three. Sam continued. "He thinks it's the black statue he gave you - the one that looks like a melted sauce pot sitting on a stack of lumpy pancakes."

In the background, Daniel could hear Jack correcting her. "It's a duck, dammit. I've been cursed by a duck."

"Ducks don't have teeth, sir."

"What, and sauce pots do? You must have a scary ass kitchen, Carter. No wonder you don't cook."

"O'Neil, this is not the time to indulge in personal remarks at Major Carter's expense."

Daniel had to say Sam's name loudly twice to get her attention away from the argument and back to the phone in her hand.

"Just bring the...duck to my lab, okay, Daniel? I need to get some readings on it." The line clicked and the phone went dead.

Within minutes, Daniel was in Sam's lab, duck in hand. He put it on the section of the lab table she indicated. Everyone gathered around to watch as she pulled out different gadgets to inspect the duck. At least, Daniel assumed everyone did. It was hard to tell with Jack still being out of sight. Daniel felt a pang of disappointment at not being able to see Jack.

As she worked, Sam gave a running commentary. "The machine projects a field onto the subject and that field bends light in such a way as to remove the subject from the visible spectrum. Once it has been projected, the field is independent of the generating mechanism. The problems with this are two fold - getting the field to adhere to the subject, and giving it enough power to sustain itself." She set her instruments aside. "Either way, I don't see how the duck could affect it. There's absolutely no power of any kind emanating from it."

"It's a wishing duck," the empty air that was Jack insisted. "Or maybe a mind reading duck because I didn't say it out loud."

"Didn't say what out loud?" Daniel asked.

Jack had said plenty about the duck at the time so it was hard to believe he'd omitted anything. Then again, Daniel had thrown himself into his work, virtually ignoring the man the minute Jack walked into his office. He had to do that more and more these days. For some reason, he found Jack very distracting. Even if Jack was sitting quietly behaving himself, not that that happened very often, Daniel found himself unable to focus on anything else. Instead his mind would wander to the fun they had when the two of them hung out together or he'd think of what they might do the next time. Lately, he found himself covertly studying Jack's face, though he didn't know what he was looking for. He never thought about it really. Instead, he pushed it into the back of his mind and threw himself into his work.

There was a long pause before Jack replied. "That I might as well be invisible for real," he admitted reluctantly.

"Why do you want to be invisible for real?"

"I don't!" After a moment's hesitation, Jack changed his answer. "Okay, I kinda do but only when there's a tactical advantage, not all the time."

"Then why did you wish for it?" asked Sam.

"I didn't. I was making an observation while I held the duck. I couldn't help thinking that I might as well be invisible for all Daniel would notice."

If the duck actually worked, then Daniel would wish he could see Jack's expression. Jack sounded...almost...no, it couldn't be. Forlorn? Jack? Because Daniel didn't pay attention to him?

"Oh. I'm, uh, I'm sorry, Jack." Now Daniel felt bad for purposely ignoring him. "In any case, after you left I took another look at the artifact and I was able to translate the writing on the brim. It doesn't have anything to do with power or wishing."

While Jack had been in his office, Daniel had feigned indifference, even going so far as to give him a high-handed and unnecessary lecture about site disruption. Jack had barely cleared the doorjamb on his way out before Daniel picked up the duck. By focusing intently on it for the next few minutes, he had gotten the translation done in time for Sam's phone call.

"Then what does the inscription signify, Daniel Jackson?" Even as he asked the question, Teal'c was turning to help Sam. She had put the duck next to the invisibility generator and brought her instruments out again.

"Uh, well, it's a poem. Now the festive Springtime comes and everywhere nature brings forth new life making the world fresh and new."

"That doesn't rhyme," Jack scoffed. "It doesn't even have a beat."

"It does in the original." Daniel recited it, enjoying the feel of the words on his tongue. The vowels were low and rolling, the consonants muted. He loved the way they flowed so easily. "Anyway, there's nothing unusual about the artifact itself."

"Except its alien mind whammy."

"It does not have a whammy."

"Does too."

"No, it doesn't."

"Does!"

"Does not!"

"What do you call this then?"

Jack made a sweeping gesture indicating his lack of substance. The gesture would have been totally lost on Daniel if Jack hadn't been fading into view like a ghostly apparition in reverse.

"Hey! I can see through you." As soon as the words left his mouth, Daniel wanted to cringe for saying something as inane and obvious as that.

"I know, Daniel." Jack looked exasperated. "I'm In. Vis. I. Ble."

Eye roll. Over enunciated speech. Exaggerated mannerisms. Daniel was getting the full version of Jack's patented What Are Ya - Stupid? routine. Okay, so maybe it wasn't that obvious.

"No, I mean, I'm starting to see you, but I can still see through you."

Sam and Teal'c looked up from their tinkering.

"You're regaining opacity, Colonel."

Two strides had Teal'c at the camcorder, making sure it was aimed at Jack who was becoming visible from the feet up and head down. Everywhere except the area just below his belt was getting more solid by the moment. His pelvis was still transparent. It was disconcerting to see Jack's body with a hole in the middle. His torso hung mid air with a pair of disembodied legs moving restlessly underneath it.

"Carter?"

"Sir?"

"Why can't I see my crotch?"

"I don't know. Usually you snap into view all at once."

"I do?"

"Your reappearance is normally quite abrupt, O'Neill."

"Sir, do you have anything unusual in your pockets?"

"No."

"Yes, you do." Despite his efforts to the contrary, Daniel had been watching Jack like a hawk during his visit to the office. It was always very difficult not to intervene when the man started feeling up the breakables. "You put that pebble with the flower glyph in your pocket right before you picked up the duck."

"I did?" Jack look surprised. "Huh. Don't remember that." One hand flicked out of existence as he reached into his pocket. As he pulled out the stone, the last of the invisibility wore off. "If this stone was keeping it going, why didn't the field stay with it?"

Sam plucked the stone from his fingers. "If I had to guess, I'd say it was because the field was attached to you. When it was in your pocket, the stone was inside the field. When you pulled it from your pocket you took it outside of the field as well." Sam flipped it over to see the back. "What kind of stone is this, Daniel?"

"It's similar to our sunstone. Some kind of feldspar only instead of red hematite, it has inclusions of some other mineral. I did give it to the geology department, but they weren't able to identify it. It may be exclusive to the planet we found it on."

Sam had that sharp-eyed look which meant she was already tuning out everything except the puzzle before her. "Thanks guys," she said absently. "Teal'c, there's a few tests I'd like to try on this..."

Daniel knew he and Jack were dismissed.

****

Teal'c strode purposefully through the corridors of the SGC as the mournful strains of "Anatevka" rolled through his mind. He was a Jaffa on a mission. While assisting Samantha Carter in her research for the past few hours, Teal'c had ruminated on the conundrum presented by his team mates. He was well aware of O'Neill's feelings for Daniel Jackson. It was his opinion that Daniel returned those feelings although Daniel appeared to be unaware of the true nature of his own emotions.

Perhaps all that was needed was for his friend to receive a push in the correct direction. A subtle hint or two regarding O'Neill should suffice. Once Daniel's intellect grasped a topic, it would examine every aspect of that topic before letting go.

Just this past weekend, Teal'c had watched the movie "Fiddler on the Roof". With its themes of servitude, enduring oppression, and finding what joy one could in a joyless existence, it reminded him very much of his home world, Chulak. The music, and one song in particular, added greatly to the atmosphere of the story. He had viewed the film many times and planned to purchase a copy of his own. Both that film and another from that same section of the video store, "Hello Dolly", made mention of a chakash shel mot - a matchmaker. In the films, as on Chulak, the matchmaker was a woman. Teal'c was a warrior, a leader of men, former first prime of Apophis. Fulfilling a woman's role should be, as O'Neill would say, a piece of cake.

He tracked down his quarry in the storage archives, elbow deep in a crate of carefully packed pottery sherds. Daniel looked up at his approach, smiling at him in greeting.

"Good afternoon, Daniel Jackson."

"Hey, Teal'c." Daniel cautiously re-arranged the sherds. "Do you need me for some - "

Eager to complete his task, Teal'c interrupted. "O'Neill is quite pleasing to look upon, is he not? He is well-built with firm musculature over a lean frame and a comely visage."

Daniel's jaw dropped open and he blinked rapidly. "I...guess so?"

Good. He had Daniel's complete attention. "I have heard it said that he is ruggedly handsome and the grey of his hair makes him quite distinguished. "

"Ah...I...I never really thought about it, Teal'c."

"Perhaps you should. It may be of some import to the interpersonal dynamics of the team, were two of its members to become romantically involved."

Teal'c felt it imperative that he speak plainly of his approval of the bond between O'Neill and Daniel Jackson. He knew that acceptance of the pair by his team mates would be factored into Daniel's deliberations before he would pursue O'Neill.

Therefore, Teal'c stately quite clearly, "I wish you to know that it is my belief that such a relationship will not harm the team cohesiveness, but would in fact strengthen all existing bonds."

Daniel's face was flushed, his hands fluttered wildly about. "Well, I, I don't know Teal'c. It's not something that has ever really crossed my mind before this."

"Promise me this, Daniel Jackson. Promise that you will give full consideration to this matter especially upon the suitability of O'Neill as a mate. It is my fervent hope that upon reflection you will find that you feel the same in this regard as I."

At that, Daniel seemed to calm somewhat. He held Teal'c's gaze steadily, touching his arm as he said, "I promise you Teal'c, for your sake, I will think it over very carefully."

Smiling, Teal'c inclined his head. "Then I look forward to hearing your answer."

As he exited the room, Teal'c felt the satisfaction of a job well done. It was quite clear that he had given Daniel Jackson much to reflect upon. Pleased, Teal'c indulged himself in an activity that had no useful purpose. His bass voice rumbled as he sang softly to himself. "Soon I'll be a stranger in a strange new place, searching for an old familiar face from Anatevka..."

***

The odd exchange with Teal'c had left Daniel feeling unsettled. Or should that be perturbed? hmmm...perturb...to disturb greatly; agitate. That seemed like an overstatement. Maybe disconcerted would be a better description. Yes, that seemed more like it. He was disconcerted.

He was also procrastinating. Instead of dithering over the best way to describe the feeling, maybe he should examine the feeling itself, figure out what prompted it. What Daniel needed was a sounding board, someone to discuss this with. Normally he would seek out Jack, but that wasn't an option this time since Jack was part of what was disconcerting him.

Daniel had been surprised by Teal'c's declaration of intent toward Jack. The same-gender thing didn't bother Daniel - that would make him a hypocrite - but there was something about Teal'c and Jack as partners, as...lovers, that was upsetting.

Daniel sought out his other confidante. The work day was almost over so she should have a few minutes to spare for him. Sam was tidying up her work area when Daniel came in.

"Hey." She tossed a smile at him but continued to clear up.

"Hey, Sam. Do you have a minute? I need to talk."

She stopped what she was doing to focus on him.

With a nod to indicate the cameras, he asked, "Those are still video only, right?"

"Sure Daniel. The only ones on base that aren't are in the VIP and isolation rooms and even those can have the audio turned off. You know that. You look serious. Is something wrong?"

"No, I just need to get a handle on something, something that will affect you too in a way."

While Sam brought over two stools for them to sit on, he considered how to broach the subject.

"Hypothetically speaking, what if one team mate told you they had a crush on another team mate, but you weren't sure if the first team mate knew or would want to know. What would you do? Would you say something to the first team mate?"

"Is the team SG-1?"

"This is completely hypothetical." He really should have thought that out a bit more before giving such an obvious example.

"So that's a yes." Grinning, she asked, "Is the object of desire a certain Colonel?"

"Well, yes," he admitted. So much for keeping Teal'c's confidence. Two minutes and he was telling Sam everything. Of course, he knew that she wouldn't mention their talk to anyone else, but he felt like he was betraying Teal'c's trust. True, Teal'c had never specifically told Daniel keep it secret, but to Daniel that was implied.

"Daniel, I love what we do. I love the excitement, the adventure, exploring new worlds, new technology, new ideas. But I also know how dangerous it is. Every time we step through that gate we take a chance of never coming back. If any of us has a chance for happiness, for love, for companionship, we should take it."

He had been thinking along the same lines. When he thought of Teal'c reaching out for someone to hold, or for Jack to finally find peace and love, Daniel was wholeheartedly in favor. It was only when he thought of Jack and Teal'c finding that in each other that a darker feeling roiled up through his stomach and all he could think of was "No". Maybe he was worried about how it would affect the team? That didn't seem to be the reason, but he tried it anyway.

"What if Jack doesn't want to get together with that person? That could make things very awkward since we have to continue working together. What if we're on a mission and Jack's still upset at that person for asking? You know how, ah, grumpy he can get."

"Maybe, but the Colonel should at least have the chance to make the choice for himself."

"Given that both persons in this scenario are male, tell me truthfully, does it bother you?"

"Nope." Sam put her hand on his shoulder, her fingers squeezing him lightly. "I think you and Colonel will be very happy together."

It took a second for her words to sink in.

"What? Me?" Daniel was startled by her comment. How did she get that impression? "No, no, no. I was talking about Teal'c."

"Sure you were, Daniel." Sam winked and gave him a knowing smile. "It's not like anyone's ever noticed how you and the Colonel finish each other's sentences, or spontaneously speak in unison, or how you value each other's opinions more than anyone else's. Seriously, Daniel, you two are on the same wavelength more than any two people I know. Of course, your arguments are on the same scale. No one pushes his buttons like you do and vice versa. There are times you two sound like an old married couple who will be bickering comfortably for decades to come."

The world tilted.

For a moment it was like being inside a snow globe as it was shaken. Everything scrambled. Swirling. Chaotic. Then the currents eased. The white flakes drifted back down in a different arrangement. From the outside the globe looked the same. Up close, the pattern of snowflakes had changed.

The world reset itself and absolutely everything had altered for Daniel. His whole relationship with Jack was turned inside out, upside down, and Daniel saw it all in a whole new way. Feelings he had repressed, ignored, and denied came bubbling up, demanding to be recognized.

Jealous. That was the proper definition for that unsettled feeling. Daniel had been jealous of Teal'c because Daniel wanted Jack for himself. Had wanted him for a long time now. That's why instead of keeping Teal'c's comments to himself, Daniel had been compelled to discuss them. He hadn't been asking what Teal'c should do about Jack - he had been asking what he should do about a rival for Jack's affections.

"Daniel?" Sam sounded concerned.

"Oh, uh. Sorry to zone out on you, Sam." Daniel pulled himself together. Huh. So that's what an epiphany felt like. "You, uh, you were saying I should tell Jack?"

"Absolutely."

"What if...what if he..."

"Trust me on this Daniel. The Colonel's way ahead of you. In fact, it's been difficult to watch him pining for you, waiting for you to see him. I've been tempted to give you a push and I'm sure Teal'c has, too."

"Yes, I'm sure he has." His conversation with Teal'c made a lot more sense now. "You really don't mind? You're not going to feel, I don't know, left out or anything?" This was important to him. As much as he wanted to explore the new possibilities with Jack, Daniel didn't want his team mates, his friends, to feel pushed aside.

"Are you kidding? You're going to need me now more than ever. Who else are you going to turn to when you and Jack have a lover's quarrel?" Sam asked mischievously.

Agitated. Greatly disturbed. Now the description of perturbed matched his mood, only this was from an attack of nerves at the thought of approaching Jack. Despite Sam's assurance that his friend returned the feelings, Daniel was anxious about opening up, making himself emotionally vulnerable. Maybe he should wait a week...or two. Make that a couple of months. Get used to the idea himself before - No. If he waited, he'd chicken out.

This was Friday evening. Daniel had all weekend to work up the courage to confront Jack. Although he hadn't specifically been invited, Daniel knew he was welcome at Jack's house any time. Maybe it would be best to strike while the iron was hot, so to speak.

"Thanks, Sam. You've been a big help."

Daniel kissed her cheek and hurried for the door.

****

Jack opened the front door as Daniel came up the walk. Daniel had seemed a little...off on the phone. Nervous, maybe. Yet all he did was offer to hang out with Jack for the evening, something each of them had done hundreds of times over the years. Something was going on with Daniel and Jack was going to find out what it was, which was why Jack had been waiting impatiently in his living room for the sound of Daniel's car in the driveway.

As he held the door and greeted his friend, Jack's mind was cataloguing elements of Daniel's attire and demeanor. At the end of the work day, Jack's score card had been up to forty-four points thanks to nine lip licks worth one point each and one "nibbling the end of the pen" worth five points. Eyeing the jeans Daniel was wearing, Jack decided that he could add another five points to the total. Forty-nine points was a good total. Jack didn't think anything would ever beat the all-time high of 382 points, but that involved a mission and a fertility ceremony where Daniel's outfit consisted mostly of mud and strategically placed feathers. Dragging his gaze away from where some of those feathers had been located, Jack looked Daniel in the eye.

Daniel smiled as he hurried up the walk, arms loaded down with bags. Bounding up the steps into the house, he handed one bag to Jack so that he could get a better grip on the twelve pack of Guinness that was slipping out from under his arm.

"Did you buy out the store?" Jack teased.

"Not quite. I got us each a foot long Italian sub with all the trimmings, a couple of kinds of chips, and a little something to wash it all down with."

"Sounds good." Jack let Daniel go in front of him, then shut the door. "We've got almost an hour before the game starts, so let's eat at the table."

They went into the kitchen, dropping the groceries on the counter. Daniel took two beers from the carton, put the rest in the fridge, then opened the chips. Jack grabbed two plates from the cabinet and took them to the dining table along with the bag with the subs. He could see there were plenty of napkins in there, so he didn't bother with paper towels. Jack peeked under the roll as he unwrapped the first sandwich. Eww - olives. That sandwich went on Daniel's plate. Jack divvied out the napkins as Daniel came in with the beers in one hand and a bowl full of mixed chips in the other.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Daniel seemed lost in thought, his gaze turned inward. A few times, he took in a big breath, apparently on the verge of speaking but each time, he sighed instead and took another bite of his sandwich or sip of Guinness.

Okay, something was definitely bothering Daniel, but what? He had seemed fine to Jack during the day. After that whacked out robo-bitch Reese had nearly taken out the entire SGC, Jack and Daniel had hashed out every side of every argument until the two of them were back to fine. That was at least a month ago so Jack knew there weren't any residual issues from that.

Something must have happened between the last time Jack had seen him late that afternoon and the time that Daniel had called. But what? Hopefully, given enough latitude, Daniel would open up to him, but if Daniel didn't spill by the time the game was over, Jack would resort to direct methods.

Jack wiped his mouth and hands with his napkin, then checked the time. Ten minutes until face off. As Daniel slouched back in his chair contemplating the last chip in the bowl, Jack gathered up their empty plates and his own depleted beer bottle. After putting the plates in the sink and the bottle in the trash, he turned back toward the dining room only to find that Daniel was looking at him oddly.

No. Not looking. Daniel was...noticing him. His eyes were focused, intent, as his gaze roamed slowly over Jack's body. It wasn't an "Is that a new shirt?" or " Did you cut your hair?" kind of gaze. Maybe it was Jack's overworked imagination, but there was some heat to it as though Daniel was assessing. Admiring. For so long now, Jack had been waiting for the day when Daniel would be ready to open his heart again, and hoping that Daniel would return his affection. Jack's heartbeat quickened. Had that day finally arrived?

Reining in his excitement, Jack spoke gently, as he would to a skittish animal. The last thing he wanted to do was disturb the moment, destroy the mood, but he had to know what his friend was thinking. "Daniel?"

Despite the soft tone, his voice snapped Daniel out of his reverie. Eyes flicking up to meet Jack's, he flushed and looked guilty as though caught doing something wrong. Before Jack could say anything more, Daniel blurted out "Teal'c thinks you're good looking."

What the hell? Jack blinked, trying to school his face into a neutral expression. Where in the holy fuck had that come from? "Um. Okaaay."

"That's not..." Rising from the chair, Daniel scrunched up his face, waving his hands as if erasing something. "Teal'c didn't...well he did, but...then Sam...and pining...I suddenly...great ass!"

Sometimes Daniel's brain worked so quickly, he didn't have time to put a thought into words before the next thought knocked the first one out of the way. Jack saw this a lot on missions, in the lab, and at the occasional briefing. It looked different taking place in his dining room. Putting his hands on his hips, Jack waited patiently for Daniel's speech to catch up with his rapidly firing synapses.

Daniel took a deep breath, blew it out and calmed considerably. "Today, it was brought to my attention that you'd like to be more than friends with me."

A chill ran down Jack's spine. Brought to his attention? What the hell? "Who was it? And what did they say?"

Shit. If Jack had been telegraphing his interest to all and sundry, then there could be repercussions for both of him. He didn't care what happened to himself, but there was no way he wanted Daniel hurt by this.

"Teal'c started it, but Sam helped."

Ah. Jack had been fairly certain that his team mates were clued in, but neither of them had said anything to him. He wondered why they had approached Daniel.

"And after I talked to them," Daniel continued, "I did some thinking and I realized that I, um, ah -" Daniel was stammering again, but Jack recognized it as the nervous variety not the warp speed brain kind. "I want to be more than friends with you too."

Jack let the words rattle around in his head for minute. He understood each individual word, but strung together, he couldn't comprehend the meaning of the sentence.

Daniel.

Daniel wanted.

Daniel wanted him.

Holy crap- Daniel WANTED him! It felt like Jack's heart was pounding in his throat.

"It is true, right?" Daniel asked anxiously. "You do, um, want that, right?"

"Oh hell yeah, Daniel!" Okay, not the most poetic declaration, but it was certainly fervent. "I can't say when I first started thinking of you as more than my best friend. It was kind of a gradual process, but I've felt that way for a very long time now."

And thank God that Jack hadn't been imagining things. Daniel really did care for him, but hadn't been ready to move on from his beloved Shar'e before this. It sounded as though Jack owed Carter and Teal'c big time for giving the man a push.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" asked Daniel.

Jack shrugged. How to boil down month after month adding up to almost two years of sleepless nights spent in internal debate? Of going over every possible way to approach Daniel and painstakingly mapping out every possible reaction from him? Of fantasizing in detail all the happy endings. Of agonizing over the imagined fall out from every worst case scenario.

"I didn't know how you'd feel about it," Jack said gruffly. "What if I poured out my heart to you and got shot down?"

Daniel raised his brows in acknowledgement, but said, "You could have tried a more subtle inquiry, something indirect."

Not certain if he detected a note of reproof in there, Jack fell back on his tried and true defense mechanism, sarcasm. "Like what? Ask Carter to pass you a note in gym class? 'Do you like Jack - circle yes or no'. Or maybe I could offer to carry your books."

"I was actually thinking of something a little less high school. Besides, you have carried books for me."

Since Daniel was giving him the same look he always did when Jack was being an ass, Jack lightened up. "So, I should pass you the note myself?"

"Sure." Daniel smiled shyly. "Just not during a briefing. You're distracting enough as it is."

"I'm distracting? What about you with that - that lip licking thing you do?" Jack had once collected 35 points after only two hours at the SGC, most of which were from lip licking. He had left that briefing with only a vague idea of what was going on and had to read the report again.

Eyes wide, Daniel looked surprised. "You mean this?" Daniel's tongue appeared for a millisecond. "You like that?"

Embarrassed, Jack nearly clammed up but now that he and Daniel were actually communicating he didn't want to jeopardize the process. "Well, sometimes you kind of linger over it and the way you -" He halted abruptly, mesmerized by the sight in front of him.

Daniel had tilted his chin down so that he could look up at Jack through his lashes, which was quite a feat considering that the men were nearly the same height. Slowly, delicately, the tip of Daniel's tongue traced his upper lip, all pink and moist and enticing. Jack felt a stirring in his groin. Jesus, he was getting a chubby just from watching Daniel.

Daniel's expression flickered from determined to nervous and back again as he walked toward to where Jack stood in the doorway. Jack shuffled into the dining room to meet him, trying to shake the surreal feeling. It was difficult to believe that this was real, not one of the many fantasies his overworked imagination had conjured up.

Daniel's left hand wrapped around Jack's upper arm in a strong grip while he trailed the back of his other hand up Jack's cheek, then turned the hand to cup his palm against Jack's face. At the touch, Jack shivered as his skin reacted with goose flesh. The hand on his face trembled. His eyes sought contact with Daniel's but Daniel was looking at Jack's mouth. The pad of Daniel's calloused thumb floated lightly over Jack's lower lip as Daniel slowly leaned in.

When Daniel's lips touched his, a spark flashed down Jack's spine to his groin and he hardened completely. Fleetingly, Jack wondered how many points a kiss was worth. Fifty? One hundred? Then Daniel's soft tongue slid past his lips and all thought stopped as Jack's hips pushed forward involuntarily. Dropping his hands to Daniel's ass, he pulled, forcefully pressing their groins together. Curling his pelvis under, he rubbed his erection against Daniel's and Daniel whimpered as his tongue stuttered in Jack's mouth. Jack took that to be a positive sign so he did it again and this time, Daniel pushed back and it was glorious. Then there was nothing but warm soft lips tasting his, firm hands sweeping over him, and the sweet ache building between his legs.

Their bodies were already locked together all along their length, but it wasn't enough. Jack needed to really feel Daniel's muscular body against his, needed to feel naked flesh against his palms. Greedy for more, Jack transferred his weight, sliding one foot forward, desperate to get closer to Daniel. At the same time, Daniel shifted back. Their combined movements in the same direction threw them out of balance.

Pitched forward, Jack tried to reposition his feet, but his foot hit Daniel's as Daniel's knee hit his and the two of them went crashing to the hardwood floor with Daniel underneath, poised to take the combined force of their weight. Jack put his hand on the back of Daniel's head to protect it and rolled them as they went down so they landed on their sides instead, narrowly missing the dining table.

"Ow!"

"Crap!"

Daniel sat up, rubbing his elbow. "That's going to leave a mark."

Jack lay on the floor for moment longer both hands clutching his knee. "Yeah, well." He sat up, gingerly using his hands to bend the knee. Christ, that hurt. Damn knee took the brunt of the fall, right on the fucking bone. The pain radiated up his thigh, deflating his erection. Until the pain dropped to a more manageable level, Jack wouldn't be up for any more festivities, dammit. "At least it wasn't your bad elbow," he griped.

Daniel frowned. "I don't have a bad elbow."

Jack used his chin to indicate his knee. "That's kind of my point."

Immediately, Daniel let go of his elbow and got to his feet. "Will the ibuprofen be enough or do you need the prescription stuff?" Even as he spoke, Daniel was moving into the kitchen, opening cupboards, gathering items.

"Ibuprofen's fine, but give me three of them."

"Here."

"Thanks." As he took the pills and glass of water, Jack snuck a peek at Daniel's pants. The fall had taken the edge off of Daniel as well, though he looked to be half hard still.

"Do you need your brace?" Daniel gestured in the approximate direction of the linen closet where the brace was kept.

Jack shook his head and handed the glass back to Daniel. Careful of his knee, he scooted back until he could lean against the dining room wall, stretching his legs straight out in front of him.

Daniel set the glass on the table then sat on the floor next to Jack. "Well."

"Well." Jack sighed. "As make out sessions go, that was probably the least successful one I've ever had."

Least successful? Try most mortifying. They could use Jack as an example of how not to impress your prospective lover. He'd be lucky if he hadn't scared Daniel off.

"Really?" Daniel appeared to mull it over. "I think it might be a tie for me. Or maybe only second least successful."

That got Jack's attention. He raised his eyebrows in silent inquiry.

"Bunk bed," Daniel said succinctly. "Concussion."

"Ah. I'm starting to see why the couch is the more traditional venue. Roomy, low to the ground, cushioned." A twist of his wrist brought Jack's watch into view. "The game only just started. We could mosey into the living room, settle on the couch and ah, see what happens."

Daniel smiled and took Jack's hand. "Let nature take its course?"

Daniel stood, pulling on Jack's hand as he did to help Jack up. For a moment, they just looked at other. Then, mouth closed, no tongue, Jack kissed Daniel on the lips. It was the kind of chaste familiar kiss that couples used to say thank you, I love you, I missed you, hello, good bye, take care or a hundred other things and it felt so natural to do it.

It felt like coming home.

FINIS

R.I.P. General Hammond - Don S. Davis passes away

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:45:41 GMT

The news is spreading through various sites in the Stargate Fandom. Don S. Davis passed away on Sunday. Don was a man of many talents. To me he will always be General Hammond, the stern yet fair commander of the SGC who took an almost paternal interest in the people under his command. The news of his passing came from his wife, Ruby Fleming-Davis.

Dear Fans and Friends of Don S. Davis,

So many of you have been touched by not only the work and art of Don S. Davis, but by the man himself, who always took the time to be with you at the appearances he loved, that it is with a tremendous sense of loss I must share with you that Don passed away from a massive heart attack on Sunday morning, June 29th.

On behalf of his family and wife, Ruby, we thank you for your prayers and condolences. A family memorial where Don's ashes will be scattered in the ocean will take place in a few weeks, and should you wish to, please make a donation to the American Heart Association in Don's memory.

Don was one of the scheduled guests for the very first convention I attended. Unfortunately, due to other obligations, he had to cancel at the last minute. I was looking forward to finally seeing him in person at Dragon*Con this year. I'm sorry I will never have that chance. From all accounts, Don was a warm caring person and a wonderful raconteur. My condolences to his friends and famiy for their loss.

Michael Shanks Online- 4th Annual Charity Auction

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 16:34:50 GMT

From Michael Shanks Online:

As with all our fundraising efforts, the profits of this auction will be donated to the Multiple Sclerosis Society of Canada, the charity supported by SG-1 actors Michael Shanks (Dr Daniel Jackson) and his wife, Lexa Doig (Dr Carolyn Lam).

Scheduled to run for approximately 2-3 weeks from 16 June, the auction will be kicked off with the first 20 items, with new items added each day.

Per our press release, the auction will include items donated and/or signed by Michael Shanks (including his personal copies of Stargate SG-1 shooting scripts), his wife Lexa Doig, original Stargate movie stars Kurt Russell, Mili Avatal, Erick Avari and Alexis Cruz, Stargate series stars Chris Judge, Amanda Tapping, Claudia Black, Ben Browder and Beau Bridges, plus Jared Padalecki, Kevin Sorbo, Richard Burgi, Garett Maggart and Connor Trinneer.

Here's the main page of the auction showing all the wonderful actors, directors, and organizations that contributed.

Here's the first page of the items. Great photos with funny autographs - I so want these! And there's an Ark of Truth script!! It's a first draft, too. Hmmmm...I wonder what changed?

Anyway, more items will be added each day, so go check it out and spread the word!!

Michael Shanks + Burn Notice = SQUEEEEE!!!!

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 00:27:06 GMT

You know "Burn Notice" the quirky fun drama / comedy with Jeffrey Donovan as the spy who suddenly ends up black listed and Bruce Campbell as his friend and sidekick? The one with Sharon Gless (formerly of "Cagney and Lacey") as the ex-spy's mom who has no idea what her boy really does? The one with Gabrielle Anwar as the borderline nutso Irish guerilla as the girlfriend?

THAT fabulous show?

Guess who will be appearing for not just one but FOUR episodes? Go on - guess! That's right - the blue eyed one himself, Michael Shanks.

There are very few details at the moment, but go to Michael Shanks Online and read the news. Be sure to check back for more info.

In the meantime, that squeeeing noise you hear is me. :D

FIC: Out of the Hand by Cowardly Lion

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 16:23:58 GMT

Time for a change of pace. I offer you a J/D first time drama. Set in Season 7, it is an ep tag to Evolution 2 with spoilers for The Curse. Rating is NC-17, word count is 5,620, no warnings. MANY thanks to Mare for the beta.

Summary: Jack has had so many second chances to tell Daniel how he feels, it's about time he actually did it.

Out of the Hand by Cowardly Lion

Slightly bleary eyed, Jack signed the last requisition form then tossed the pen down on his desk top. It skidded across the untidy heap of papers, bounced off of the empty coffee mug and onto the floor. He started to reach for it, but a twinge in his shoulders stopped him. Rubbing stiff muscles as best he could one handed, he stretched back in his chair. Christ he was tired. A quick glance at the clock showed it was almost twenty-hundred hours. Damn. Where did the time go?

Quick efficient movements cleared his work area, everything neatly put away where it belonged. He even picked up the pen from the floor, plopping it into the pencil holder next to his monitor. Keeping one document out, he took it in hand as he turned out the lights and left his office. Daniel had mentioned needing this particular reference book urgently for the linguistics department. Now that the requisition was approved, Jack could drop it directly on Daniel's desk for him to find in the morning, instead of making him wait for Jack's aide to deliver it.

The corridors were always quiet this time of night. The SGC was never completely deserted, but there was definitely an air of isolation once the day shift went home. He only passed one other person as he made his way to his friend's office. The door was open as usual, the interior dark. The little desk lamp which Daniel often forgot to turn off was glowing softly. Jack neared the desk, then tossed the requisition slip onto it. Instead of dropping to the desktop, the paper wafted on a cushion of air, sailing over the edge to land at the foot of the book case on the other side of the desk.

Oh for...what was it with missing the target tonight? First his pen and now this. Faintly annoyed, Jack rounded the corner, bracing one hand on the desk as he leaned over to get the paper. Snatching up the document between the tips of his fingers, he slapped it firmly on the desk. As he straightened up, something at the far end of the middle shelf of the book case caught his eye. The shelves in Daniel's cluttered office held a hodgepodge of books and artifacts all lumped together. If there was a system to their placement, it wasn't obvious. This particular book case was also half hidden by Daniel's desk, so it was no wonder that Jack hadn't seen the relic before this.

Tucked in the bookcase, propping up a motley collection of volumes like a bookend, was a rock. Correction. It was the rock. Slowly, Jack's hand reached out and picked it up. Their support removed, the books slumped over, thumping against the side of the case. He hefted it once or twice, getting a sense of its weight. Heavier than he remembered, it held a residual warmth from the ambient temperature of the room, putting him in mind of the tropical heat of the Honduran jungle from which it came.

Jack still had nightmares of that rescue mission which so nearly failed. He would never forget hearing the gun shots as he drew close to where Daniel and Lee were being held. The jolt of panic that had surged through him then would be forever seared in his consciousness. Fearing the worst, he ran, his legs heavy and slow as though he was running through molasses no matter how fast he tried to move. Harsh green vegetation had slashed at him, slicing and pricking his skin. Heaving lungs had struggled against air so humid it was like breathing soup. He had caught a glimpse of Daniel obscured by fronds, heard the final shot and had seen Daniel go down, sprawled at the base of that tree.

At that moment, he had thought that Daniel was dead. Truly dead. Dead for real. Dead as in door nails and dirt naps and daisies yet he had never slowed in his rush toward Daniel's killers. If anything, he had sped up, his intentions shifting from rescue to vengeance. Lush foliage blocked his view once again as salt sweat stung his eyes blurring his vision. When it cleared, Jack had seen Daniel huddled with his back against the tree trunk, that rock in hand, defiant to the end as he faced down a gang of blood thirsty maniacs who were armed with automatic weapons and a big fucking machete. Surprise, gratitude, and relief had mixed with the sorrow and rage that already filled Jack. He had pulled the trigger of his weapon, terminating those guerrillas with as much extreme fucking prejudice as he could.

Even now, Jack wasn't sure what had possessed him to bring the rock home with them in the first place. He'd waited until Daniel's leg had healed. Waited until Daniel's sense memory of desperation had faded. Slouching into Daniel's office, Jack plonked the rock on his desk and watched as puzzlement turned into recognition then back to puzzlement as Daniel looked at him in wordless inquiry.

"Just a little souvenir of your tropical vacation," Jack had said with a careless shrug. The jaunty attitude hid a racing heart and knotted stomach as he thought of how close he had come to losing Daniel for good. Again. He had let some of his serious mood show as he clapped Daniel on the shoulder. "You did one helluva job keeping yourself and Bill Lee alive. I'm proud of you Daniel."

As the younger man had gaped at the unexpected praise, Jack had retreated with more haste than dignity. If he opened his mouth again, the words he'd kept wrapped tightly around his heart might work free and spill out. He had to leave before that happened. After giving it to him, he thought Daniel would dispose of the rock somehow. It never occurred to him that Daniel would keep it.

Jack had been so grateful that Daniel had survived his latest ordeal that a confession was on the tip of tongue before he knew it. He barely managed to swallow the words unuttered. He had almost done it. Almost told Daniel of his feelings Just as he had almost told Daniel after they found him on Vis Uban, or when Daniel was liquefying from radiation poisoning, or when that damn Unas had kidnapped him, or when...Jack sighed.

So many "almosts" continually changing into "never". So many years of wanting, of yearning, of his heart's desire standing so close yet just out of reach. There was always something holding Jack back: the mission, the uniform, wrong circumstances, shitty timing. Jack had never spoken up, never taken a chance, never told Daniel he loved him.

Jack had clung to a metaphorical rock while in that stinking hell hole in Iraq. From some forgotten corner of his mind had come a dimly recalled bit of scripture, remnant of restless Sunday mornings in catechism class. "Thou art my rock and my fortress. Rescue me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man." It had become his mantra, an invocation of strength and hope when he was desperate.

Eventually, his Special Ops brethren had blown open the door to his cell and brought him home. Jack was gratified that God had heard his cries and had answered his prayers. Then God's capricious whim had snatched Charlie away, using Jack's own weapon to call his son Home. Jack knew, knew, that God hadn't been listening, had never heard him in the first place and Jack had never called on Him again.

Rudderless, adrift, he floundered, slowly sinking into a morass of despair. If God didn't care, why should he? Then a brilliant young man showed him why. Showed him what caring could do. Daniel had taken a fatal shot meant for him. Daniel had set in motion the events that freed an entire civilization from countless generations of slavery. From then on, Daniel was his rock. Daniel was his fortress. Daniel had rescued him from becoming the cruel man. He wanted to be to Daniel what Daniel was to him.

Now, standing in Daniel's office weeks later, the grainy surface of the stone scraping across the pads of his thumbs brought back the intense feelings of that day. Staring transfixed at the rock he thought of what it represented. Where it had been. Daniel's hands had wrapped around the surface of this rock and now the rock lay against Jack's skin, transferring that touch, that strength of will, to him. Holding the stone up in his palm, Jack covered it with his other hand. Daniel's fingers had gripped this rock tightly as his tormentors advanced on him. He had clung to the stone the way Jack wanted Daniel to cling to him - for protection, for hope, for salvation.

"Jack?"

Startled, Jack's eyes flashed to the doorway where Daniel stood wearing his civilian clothes, a light jacket tucked in the crook of the arm holding his briefcase and a look of inquiry on his face.

"Jesus, Daniel! Don't surprise me like that!" It was disconcerting to realize that he had been so lost in thought he hadn't heard his friend approach. That wasn't like him. No matter how focused he was, a part of his brain was always aware of his surroundings.

"What are you doing in my office?" Daniel's puzzled glance flicked around the dark room before settling on the item in Jack's possession.

Too late to hide the rock, Jack opted for the next best defense and ignored it. Pretended it didn't exist. Wasn't cradled in one palm and blanketed with the other. "I signed that requisition you were asking about today. Wanted to be sure you had it first thing." His tone was casual, unconcerned. Nothing to see here, folks. Just us Colonels going about our ordinary business.

"Oh. Well thanks." There was curiosity in the tilt of Daniel's head, in the crinkled corners of his blue eyes.

Unmoving, unspeaking, they stood, eyes locked. The silence grew, expanding into an entity all its own, hovering between them. Year after year he had swallowed words unspoken, shoved them deep down inside. Jack felt the press of them building in his throat, constricting his heart which thumped all the harder in his chest. He didn't know what showed in his face, but something must have. Something held Daniel's attention, put a wondering look in his eyes. The words rose inexorably upward flooding Jack's mouth like an incoming tide until he had to release them or drown in the torrent.

As if from a distance, he watched his upper hand move away, displaying the rock for Daniel. "Why did you keep it?" His voice strained with the effort of holding back the gush of words that were clogging his mouth, his throat, choking him.

Daniel glanced briefly at the camera on the wall behind Jack - the camera with no audio feed, visual only. The dim light of the office might protect against lip reading or it might not. Images could be sharpened, lightened, made clear as day. Daniel chose his words carefully but Jack could hear the emotion underlying them. "It reminds me never to give up because you'll come for me. All I have to do is hold on long enough."

"Always." There was a tremor in his voice to match the one in his hand. "I will always come for you Daniel. Never doubt that. No one means more to me than you do."

Without breaking eye contact Daniel carefully set his briefcase on the floor. His jacket tumbled unheeded from the crook of his arm to drape over the case. Straightening, he said, "I'm glad to hear that, Jack because the same is true of me. I will always be here for you."

There was an intensity to Daniel's gaze that was palpable. Jack swore he felt it impact his body. Safely turned away from surveillance and reasonably certain the hallway was empty, Jack dared to quietly admit, "It's not just the bonds of friendship I'm talking here, Daniel. This goes beyond camaraderie. At least, it does for me. And there's a, um, physical component as well."

"So I gathered." Daniel's gentle whisper was full of understanding as he stepped forward. Under the guise of taking the rock from Jack, Daniel's warm fingers stroked sweetly along the backs of Jack's hands to his wrists.

"Daniel?" Hardly daring to breathe, Jack looked at his friend.

"I think..." moving slowly, Daniel set the rock on his desk. "I think perhaps we should continue this conversation elsewhere."

"Yeah," croaked Jack, his mouth dry with nervous anxiety. "That might be best. Think we'll come to a mutual understanding?"

"I think we will," nodded Daniel. "Who knows?" he added with a twinkle in his eyes, "we might even get to the heart of the matter. The naked truth as it were."

Jack's heart leaped into his throat. There seemed to be slight emphasis to 'heart' and 'naked'. Was he implying that Jack's feelings were returned? "The, um, naked truth you say?" The ghost of Daniel's fingers tingled against his skin, lingering like the afterimage from a burst of intense sunlight.

Daniel responded with a sweet smile. "I think that's a distinct possibility."

That smile acted like an overflow valve, releasing the pressure in his chest as Jack smiled in return. "How about we go to my place?" he offered tentatively. "We could talk over pizza and the hockey game."

As the sound of footsteps floated in through the open doorway, Daniel deliberately stepped back, an arm's length away. "So, Avalanche versus Black Hawks. Quite the dilemma for you." He spoke in normal tones for the benefit of whoever was approaching. Picking up his jacket and briefcase he headed out of the room.

Taking his cue from Daniel, Jack fell into step next to him, discussing the game waiting for them on the recorder at Jack's house. He nodded at the airman on security detail who passed them in the corridor on evening rounds. From then on - through the halls, up the elevators, past the security checkpoints and into the parking lot - there was sporadic chat infused with charged silences. As they headed to their respective vehicles, Jack wasn't even sure what they'd talked about except that Daniel would be picking up the pizza.

Within the hour, the men were settled on the couch in Jack's living room watching the recorded hockey game. The pizza box was flipped open on the coffee table as they ate their slices from paper plates and washed them down with Guinness. A small pile of paper towels zipped off of the roll in the kitchen served as napkins. At first glance, it seemed like any of hundreds of evenings they had spent together as friends.

But tonight was different. Tonight, the pizza wasn't disappearing nearly as fast as the beer. In deference to the butterflies in his stomach, Jack was nibbling at the food instead of scarfing it down. He had swallowed enough beer to calm his nerves but was nowhere near tipsy much less drunk. Daniel was doing the same. Between the two of them, they'd downed three and a half bottles of Guinness and not quite two slices of pizza. The mood was awkward with the inevitable talk looming between them.

Picking the pepperonis off his slice, Jack ate them one by one as he gathered his thoughts. How best to start this? What should he say and how should he say it? Washing down a stray bit of onion with a swig of beer, he tried to formulate his opening statement. Daniel beat him to it.

With precise movements, Daniel put the plate with his pizza crust on the coffee table, wiped his mouth and hands with a paper towel, then tossed the crumpled towel onto the plate. Preparing for the conversation to come, Jack likewise set his dinner aside, conscious that once again he followed where Daniel led. Not that Daniel was as confident as he appeared at first glance.

Years of living in each others pockets, both at home and on missions, had given Jack extensive knowledge of Daniel's tell-tales. Like the slight movement at the corner of his eye, not quite a twitch, that signaled uncertainty. And that - tapping his middle finger against his thumb - that meant he was nervous. Knowing that Daniel was anxious acted like a counter agent against Jack's own anxiety, dispelling the butterflies. Jack leaned back against the cushions and waited for Daniel's opening gambit.

It took a couple of indrawn breaths and false starts before Daniel began. "Earlier, you asked why I kept the rock. When I looked up from my work to see you standing in my office holding the rock in one hand, I was overcome by the image you presented. It was the physical embodiment of a metaphorical truth that I had only recently begun to comprehend.

Shifting in his seat, Daniel turned more toward Jack, resting his arm along the back of the couch. "I did an undergraduate thesis on comparative religions. Although I'm not a religious man, I remembered a passage from the Christian scriptures that begins "For thou are my rock and my fortress." That's what got me through the ordeal in Honduras when Bill Lee and I were taken captive. It got me through the interrogation. Through the torture. I would recite the entire verse over and over in my head. It gave me the strength to endure."

What were the odds of him and Daniel both choosing not only a biblical passage, but the exact same one? Jack was amazed at the coincidence. Astronomical seemed too low of a number for those odds. He chose to say nothing yet, focusing instead on Daniel's comments. "It's natural to call on a higher power in times of turmoil. There was a time when I turned to God, too."

"Not God. I, uh, I understand that you may think this is blasphemous, but as I clung to the verse through endless iterations, it wasn't a higher being that came to mind, Judeo-Christian or otherwise. It was you, Jack. You're my rock. You're my fortress."

Jack was struck to the core with the revelation. He had what he wanted. The dream was his. Daniel felt the exact same way about him. Sometimes the two of them were so in sync it was scary. He was so caught up in his musing that he nearly missed what Daniel was saying.

"Before we go any further, I need to know it's safe. I mean, I presume it is or you wouldn't have chosen to come here, but -" spreading out his hands to indicate their surroundings, he looked questioningly at Jack.

"It's okay. The weekly bug sweep was yesterday and the gadget that defeats parabolic mics, thermal imaging and the like is in place and working properly." Jack wished he had held onto his plate or his beer bottle. He needed to fidget. Needed to expel the nervous energy that had built up. Placing his hands in his lap, he used the right thumbnail to pick at the fingernails on his left hand.

"Okay." Daniel nodded absently several times, clearly gathering himself to continue. The finger tapping which had eased up earlier was back with a vengeance. "You have always been important to me, Jack. I've been closer to you than I have to anyone, even Shar'e. I've spent more time with you than with anyone else in my life.

"As my memories returned after I descended, I was able to view each one both as participant, complete with attendant emotions, as I had lived it. But first, as the memory surfaced, I would see it as a dispassionate observer. It was like watching a film that I had seen many years before. Familiar, yet forgotten until I saw it again. Because of this, I could see my behavior - my actions, my reactions, the choices I made - in a clearer light.

"That's when I realized that I had slowly been falling in love with you, but I didn't acknowledge it, couldn't see it, until now. I've been wanting to say something to you, but I didn't know how. And I wasn't sure if that was something you might be open to. If I understand what you meant back on base tonight, the attraction I've been feeling is mutual." "Is it, Jack?" A worried smile flickered across his face. "Is it mutual?"

It took Jack a moment to respond. This must be what it was like to die and go to heaven. He'd have to ask Daniel, to compare the feeling, because Daniel had actually done the whole going to a higher plain and getting what he wanted. Jack wasn't used to that. Even at Christmas Santa never seemed to bring exactly what he'd asked for. Jack had no standard of comparison for what it was like to get what he had wanted for so long. The nearest thing that came to mind was "stunned".

"God, yes, Daniel." His voice was rough with pent up affection. "It's mutual. Very mutual. Been mutual for long before you figured it out, too. There never seemed to be a right time to declare myself. God knows you've had more than your share of pain. The last thing I would do is intrude on you. Give you unwanted attention. I love you enough to stay out of your way, if that's what's best for you."

Jack hesitated, but he owed it to Daniel to ask. "Are you sure this isn't some sort of aftereffect from Glow-ma messing with your head? Like one of those 3-D pictures where you think you see one thing then suddenly everything is completely different and you can't see that first thing anymore?"

Daniel shook his head. "No, not at all. I'm not seeing something that wasn't there. I'm finally seeing something that was always there. This isn't some mid-life, bi-curious fling. My feelings are fully engaged. I love you, Jack. Very much. As for the other, well, from the minute I hit puberty I knew I was bisexual though I didn't become sexually active until I was in college. It wasn't until I turned eighteen at the beginning of my senior year that I even started dating. That may sound like I'm a late bloomer, but remember I started college at sixteen so I didn't have much opportunity at first. The other students were adults or close to it. Nobody was really interested in a gangly kid whose voice was still changing."

"Wait a minute." Jack knew it was a tangent, but he had to follow it. "You started college at sixteen and were already a senior at eighteen? You completed four years worth of schooling in two years?"

"Two and a half, actually. I went straight on to a double masters in archeology and anthropology and continued from there without a break. Study, learning, was my main priority. Still, I had my share of partners, both men and women. Some longer term, some not."

He'd had no idea. Part of what had held him back all this time was Daniel's apparent orientation. Jack knew that the initial background data on Daniel had been pulled together in a hurry, but whoever did the checking had been less than thorough. "I know Sara Gardner was the last relationship you were in before you took Katherine's offer." That notation was in the classified portion of Daniel's personnel file. However, there was no mention of any male partners.

"Yes and no. Sara was the last person I dated before isolating myself to concentrate on my theories of the true age of the pyramids. The last relationship I was in was right before that was with Steven Rayner."

"Rayner? That arrogant prick?" Jack asked sharply. "Well, he's a looker, I'll give you that." It was difficult not to feel inferior in comparison to a handsome, well built, younger man like Rayner. Granted, Rayner was an asshole of epic proportions, but other than that he was a great example of everything Jack wasn't. Daniel was movie-star handsome, physically fit, massively intelligent and could pretty much have his pick of anyone male or female. What could Jack offer him?

"He's also insecure and jealous. Not a pleasant combination. He couldn't stand that I was Professor Jordan's favorite. He tried to undermine me with the faculty as well as manipulate and control me at home but I wouldn't stand for it. Since he wouldn't listen to reason, I ended it. Steven never forgave me for walking away.

"I dated Sara briefly on the rebound. Mind you, she had issues of her own. Very needy. Always marking non-events as anniversaries - so many weeks since we first met in the library, so many weeks since the first time we had coffee together, since our first 'official' date and so on. It's like she was trying too hard to make it a major relationship right away instead of letting things progress naturally. I'm afraid I couldn't take that, either. My work made a good excuse for putting some space between us.

"Now, I've told you a bit about my past. How about you? Have you always been attracted to men?"

Jack nodded. "Oh yeah. Starting in high school. I was just as interested in the guys as the girls, but didn't act on it then. It wasn't until the summer between high school and the academy that I had my first fling with a guy. He was visiting his grandparents for the summer, so we both knew it wasn't serious. Back when I was young and foolish, I did the casual sex thing, guys and gals and sometimes both at once.

"Threeway?" Daniel raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You? Not that I'm judging," he hastily added. "It just doesn't seem like you."

"Gotta remember that this was during the swinging seventies, when the national motto was 'if it feels good, do it' or something like that." Jack shrugged. He hadn't thought about those times in decades. "Can't say I'm proud of it now, but it was what it was."

"Early in my career when I was stationed at Eglin there was a guy there. Bobby Howland. Hot shot pilot like me. Cocky son of bitch. Great sense of humour though." Jack smile fondly in remembrance. "We were together exclusively for about a year, so I guess you could say we had a relationship but we couldn't acknowledge it. We tried not to think about what would happen when one of us got a new post, although we knew eventually it would happen and it did. He got sent overseas to Rammstein. Before he left we talked it over and decided to call it off. Even though it was a mutual decision, I was pretty miserable for a while.

"A few weeks went by and I met a gorgeous college girl on spring break on the beach at Destin. She was as smart as she was pretty. The two of us hit it off right away. We stayed in touch by phone and letters. Saw each other at every opportunity - vacations, holidays, you name it. A little over a year later, Sarah and I were married at a sunset service on the same beach where we had met." Jack thought of how he'd felt that day, pledging himself to a woman he loved with the future bright and promising ahead of them. Even the best of his memories were tinged with sorrow of what had come to pass. He still couldn't forgive himself for his son's death. Shaking off the melancholy, he said, "The rest you know."

There was silence as each man absorbed the new information. The silence drew out, extending past contemplative into awkward. There was a next step that each hesitated to take. Jack's butterflies were back, mixing with a rising urge to touch Daniel. To feel his warm smooth skin. To pull him into an embrace and breathe the smell of him as deeply as he could. Jack wanted to move but despite their declarations, he still felt unsure of himself. The atmostphere put Jack in mind of his first bumbling forays into romance as a gawky teenager.

Reminding himself that he was an experienced adult, and a Colonel for crying out loud - a man of action and resolve - Jack reached out. He heard the quick intake of breath as he placed a hand on Daniel's knee and slid his palm up, following the innerseam of the jeans. The leg began to tremble as he stopped just shy of Daniel's groin. Squeezing the inner thigh got another gasping breath and an increasing bulge behind the zipper. Hearing Daniel's reaction raised his own excitement.

Jack looked up, wanting to see Daniel's eyes, but they were closed, his cheeks flushed. Gripping his lower lip in his teeth, Daniel spread his knees, simultaneously granting permission and begging for more. Flaring his fingers out as far as he could, Jack laid his hand across Daniel's crotch. Daniel had dressed to the right that morning. Jack pressed the heel of his hand against the rough denim then released. Pressed and released in an increasing tempo. The hardness bloomed under his touch, lengthening, becoming more defined.

Tilting his head forward, Jack nuzzled his cheek against Daniel's, enjoyed the scrape of stubble against stubble. He touched the tip of his tongue where teeth met lip and Daniel opened to him. Soft gentle kisses gave way to an urgent clash of lips and tongue. With a strangled sound, Daniel flung himself at Jack, mouths still locked, pushing him back and down to lay on the couch. Jack was rocked with the force of demanding tugs that quickly undid his jeans and boxers, baring his penis. Daniel's calloused hand engulfed his naked cock and the world went white. For a moment Jack was aware only of overstimulated nerve endings. Of desire. Need.

It had been so very long, that Jack had actually forgotten. Forgotten how much he loved the feel of a man's hand on his cock, the strength and power of a muscular body against his. He moaned as the sensation shot electric tingles down his spine to his crotch. Christ it was wonderful. He couldn't keep quiet as he arched up into the welcome weight of the man pinning him in place. It wasn't enough. He wanted more. Craved more.

Frantically, Jack reached between them. Shoved his hand down Daniel's pants, fumbling a little to get into the tight briefs. Whiffs of the musky scent of cock and balls drifted up between their warm bodies. The uncut cock throbbed against his palm as he wrapped long fingers around it and stroked. The aroma made him salivate as he imagined how it would taste. Imagined the weight of the glans pressing on his tongue. The shaft stretching his mouth, his lips, wide open as he sucked Daniel dry.

The fantasy was so vivid that it sent a surge of pleasure through his balls, tipping him over the edge into orgasm. Eyes clenched shut, his hand spasmed, clamping uncontrollably on the flesh it held. Shuddering and gasping under Daniel, Jack's hips pumped wildly in Daniel's tightening grip. A white hot buzz pulsed from his anus, across his balls, and up through his dick as he came.

As he drifted back down from the peak, he opened his eyes to find Daniel gazing intently at his face.

"Beautiful," Daniel murmured. "You look so damn beautiful when you come." He nuzzled Jack's neck, just under the ear. "And I love that I'm the one who put that look on your face."

"Let me do the same for you." With his free hand, Jack pulled his shirt up, tucking it under his chin to keep it out of the way. Adjusting his hold on Daniel's cock, he aimed the head at his bare belly. He stroked the cock hard, fast, with a breathless command of "Come on me. God, I want you to come on me." At Daniel's answering whimper, Jack whipped his fist furiously on the shaft.

"Oh, fuck!" Daniel raised himself up enough to snap his pelvis forward again and again.

Warm wet blobs of semen spurted onto Jack's abdomen. Matching Daniel's movements, he gradually slowed his hand then lightly rubbed the pad of his thumb over the head. Soon, Daniel lay still and heavy, draped half on top of him. Jack cradled Daniel's spent member in his hand. Hot moist air gusted against his neck as Daniel fought to catch his breath.

Even with Daniel on his side tucked between Jack and the back cushions, Jack had been pushed partway off with one foot on the floor keeping him in place. As he lay there in a post coital stupor, his only coherent thought was that he was going to need a bigger couch. Maybe he could get Daniel to pay half, seeing as he was the one who made the purchase necessary. Tomorrow, they could go shopping.

In the meantime, Jack put his arms around Daniel, pulling him close despite the uncomfortable twist in his lower back. "I gotta warn you," he said as he tucked his head under Daniel's chin. "I'm a cuddler."

"If you're trying to scare me it isn't working." Daniel relaxed into the embrace. "I like to bask in the afterglow." He shifted slightly, banging his knee into Jack's leg. "But I think you're going to need a bigger couch."

Finis

But what if I WANTED the oil?

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 01:00:37 GMT

In the dark ages, how would Catsmeow die?

You would be banished to oblivion by a powerful magician. At least it's better than being boiled in oil, right?

'How would you die in the dark ages?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Indana Jones - Best Review Ever

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Mon, 26 May 2008 23:25:56 GMT

I told marinessthat if I had seen her review of Indiana Jones 4 before I had done mine then my entire review would have consisted of pointing ::over there:: She graciously consented.

Go read Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Snark for it is, hands down, THE best review.

Indiana Jones and the Quest for Logic

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Mon, 26 May 2008 18:58:01 GMT

Just like about a bazillion other folks this holiday weekend, I went to see the newest Indiana Jones movie, "Indiana Jones and the Quest for Logical Plot Points" . Okay, so it was actually titled "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" but believe me when I say you need to bring an extra heaping helping of willing suspension of disbelief. Extra. Heaping. Supersize it. Really. The movie has all the earmarks of the Big Hollywood Blockbuster - big stars, franchise name, lots of action, minimal dialogue, and liberal use of CGI. It also has more than its share of what-the-fuckery.

Spoilers:

Harrison Ford still has that Indiana Jones persona down to a T. The movie makes several nods to Ford/Jones current age. Nope, Indiana hasn't gotten any younger, but he has gotten more experience. After an initial action sequence involving the world's largest warehouse full of crates that also has Big Ass Driving Lanes conveniently scattered all throughout it, Indy is interrogated by the Janitor from Scrubs. ( Randall, the Janitor's sidekick, has been replaced by someone who is taller, but who still dresses exactly like him, right down to the FBI- approved pattern of their ties. ) During the interrogation the audience learns that Jones was a Colonel during his service in WWII and worked extensively with the OSS, precourser to the CIA.

Cate Blanchette plays Colonel Doctor Irina Spalko of the KGB. She wears a severe black page boy hairstyle and sports a an intermittent Boris & Natasha Russian Accent. I kept expecting her to ask Jones the whereabouts "of Moose und Sqvirrel". She has a rapier strapped to her hip and keeps extras in a metal case with her at all times in order to set up scenes of swordfighting with one of the good guys atop two separate vehicles racing through the unpaved jungle during which neither person standing on the vehicles ever sways, much less loses their balance.

Shia LaBouef plays Mutt Williams, a James Dean Rebel without a Clue Meets Brando's Wild One complete with Motorcycle Jacket, Brando Cap, Youthful Posturing and Extra Hair Combing. He all but has a sign over his head with "Indy's Unknown Son!" flashing in big neon letters.  Then again, he may have had that sign but it got obscured due to the OTHER flashng sign of "Indiana Jones The Next! New! Flavor!".

Karen Allen reprises her role as Marian Ravenwood/ Mary Williams. She's still got that perky cuteness and good chemistry with Jones. I wish she had turned up earlier in the movie.

John Hurt plays Professor Oxley, an old friend of both Marian and Indy's who managed to find the crystal skull and has now been driven mad by it. He wanders around in a pancho spouting cryptic lines of poetry and vague warnings that no one can understand. ONce he gets to a certain point inside the Mysterious Temple he suddenly gets All Better and is clear of mind.

Skull - The part of the Crystal Skull is played by a lucite prop stuffed with crumpled tin foil. The skull has the amazing ability to attract iron, gold, the KGB and whacked out archeologists and doubles as a very handy insect repellent. Its kryptonite is...wait for it...burlap. The amazing magical field that simulataneously attracts AND repels depending in part on how many legs something has, is easily overcome by stuffing the skull in a burlap bag, or in a pinch, stuffing it under your poncho.

As you can see from that last bit, the movie has plot holes large enough to accomodate a marching band complete with prancing drum major and flag corps. In addition some bits of it fly in the face not only of logic, but physical laws as we know them. Example - "The metal in the gunpowder will show us where the magnetic thingy is!" WTF? There is no metal in gunpowder. None. At all. And gold, while it is metal, is not magnetic by any means, yet NO one in the movie is surprised when the "magnetic field" keeps attracting gold. It's not even until half way through that a character even mentions that gold is not magnetic, yet there's no discussion or speculation on what this magical field could be based on the properties it is evincing. The whole "gold isn't magnetic" conversation is maybe two sentences long and said with all the wonder and curiosity of a bored suburbanite announcing it might rain later.

More what-the-fuckery:

- I don't care if it IS lead lined - a refrigerator is not going to survive an nuclear bomb, will not survive getting thrown a mile or two away, and will not allow the person hiding in it to remain completely unscathed after bouncing across the desert. Moreover, refrigerators in the 1950's had the old style of handle that locked down making the door impossible to open from the inside.

- Peruvian Mayans. Peru had Incans. The answer to "Did Brazil have Incans, Mayans, or Aztecs?" is "None of the Above. Ever. Srsly."

- Inca ninjas lurking in deserted ancient graveyards. Make that, Inca ninjas anywhere.

- snakes, even harmless ones, don't make good ropes. Further, I would think that it would be a point of etiquette NOT to toss the end of the snake that has all the pointy teeth and fangs at the person you are trying to rescue.

- no matter how cute they are, South American monkeys don't swing through the jungle on vines, therefore the CGI monkeys shouldn't do so either.

- no matter how quickly the cute CGI South American monkeys teach you to swing through the jungle on vines, you cannot reach speeds that will allow you to catch up to and then pass the racing vehicles you fell out of miles back.

- waterfalls that big are not survivable, not even the first time much less the third.

- The skull is actually the skeleton of an alien exactly like the little grey guys at Roswell - yet the crystal skeletons are all much taller than we are and if you take thirteen alien skeletons, whirl them around so they run into each other, instead of breaking they will all combine to reconstitute one alien.

- the incredible tornadic action that destroys a pyramid was already done in The Mummy Two, one of the other film franchises that purports to show archeology while actually fomenting looting, destruction of artifacts and obliteration of historical sites.

Overall, I thought Indy was good, not great but not terrible. It gets a pass on a lot of things because of the kind of movie it is. I can't judge it by the same standards that I would a "Sophie's Choice". Also, I hereby publicly admit to much love for Indy (except #2) and the Mummy movies - especially the Mummy movies - despite their flaws.

New Movie Role for Michael Shanks

chattycatsmeow@livejournal.com — Thu, 22 May 2008 01:48:58 GMT

From a news item at Michael Shanks Online, Michael is filming a new movie for the Sci Fi channel. Called "The Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon", it features Michael in the role of an archeologist and co-stars Shannen Doherty. Set against the backdrop of a lost walled Aztec city, it should offer plenty of action and adventure. Details are a bit sketchy at the moment , so be sure to check Michael Shanks Online every so often for updates.